tHe gAmE 0f fAte~

I am no computer gamer though I love gadgets :) but this is the one game that I will forever in although I don't really like joining it. The game of fate. It is as sophisticated as its name. You are the player or should I say we are the players. The judge is unseen. Who are we against with? Us. Yes, it's us. Like it or not this is life. Yeap, I may sound too philosophical when I am writing about this so called game of fate. But get this right, it is a simple game. Sometimes, you can't seem to put the blame (once you have lost in the game) on the enemies. You know why? Because they are also part of this game. They were forced like we were too. Or should I say, involved without even being notified because we don't have choice. Too complicated to understand?? You learn to digest it as you get older. Let me put it a layman term: let say you are in love with someone. However, you realize that that person does not 'suit' you. Probably you are much superior than that person, or due to some other reasons like that person doesn't know that you love him or her. Then, you decide not to put high hope on it or seemingly you just want to stop the feeling (because you know it will hurt you at the end) before it gets worst. SUDDENLY, the game of fate budges in like that person called you out of the blue, or you seem to see that person's name everywhere such as in Facebook, or probably some other instances. Then you start to believe that that person is meant for you. As you start to believe it, everything crumbles down. There's a silent moment in which you never heard about that person for quite sometimes. Then you start to trust your guts that this is just THE GAME OF FATE. Where people (up there....ooops!) is trying to play this game onto you (in this sense your heart and feelings are being played around by this game) and the VICTIM is.....US!!!!! We are the victims. Gosh. And you know what peeps, the best part of this game is....it ends to nowhere!! Damn!

Detachable~

I was stunted (even up to today) that I actually did what I have long to do. The fundamental of me is I am easily touched by others in a sense that I will forever help people who are in need despite who or what they are. I suppose God is great. There is this one old Malay proverb that says one mustn't do too much of good deeds. I wasn't really think how much good deeds should I do. I mean, when you are being really truthful in helping someone, you wouldn't want to think all that. On a very recent event, I have lost a friend and a family. Sounds like they have met into an accident or something, but yes, they are already 'dead' to me. For so long I did not realize that living with this family has given them such bad impression. My friends used to advise to me that the so called family is not my real family and therefore there will be one day that I will be in a big fight with them. I do not want to talk about what exactly happen last few days because it was too bitter to talk about. For all I know, I now realize who I should value more. Starting last Thursday, I am on my own. No more string of attach to that family. No more generosity. I hope what I did was the right thing to do. Let it be the darkest and blackest memory and history in my life.

What I have to offer~

I love you, say we're together baby, you and me

I can only give my life and show you all I am
in the breath I breathe
I will promise you my heart
and give you all you need if it takes some time
and if you tell me you don't need me anymore
that our love won't last forever
I will ask you for a chance to try again
to make our love a little better,
ooh...

I love you, say we're together baby,
say we're together, oh
I need you, I need you forever baby, you and me

You say you hardly know exactly who I am
so hard to understand
But I knew right from the start, the way I felt inside,
if you read my mind
and if you tell you don't need me anymore
that our love won't last forever, no
I will ask you for a chance to try again
to make our love a little better

I love you, say we're together baby,
say we're together, oh
I need you, I need you forever baby, you and me

Remember when you used to hold me,
remember when you made me cry
You said you loved me, oh, you did, yes you did

I love you, say we're together, baby, say we're together, oh
I need you, I need you forever, baby, you and me.

(Joanna Wang)

crazy little thing called LOVE~

People are often mistaken what love is all about. Though, if we go through the dictionaries, there will be tons of definitions on love but to me, love is beyond infinity. It is beyond what we could think of. I don't have someone special to be frank. Thus, my love's circle consists of my families and my friends. I am not ashamed to admit that I LOVE my friends. I have been living on this lovely God-made soil for more than 24 years and I learned a lot of what friendship and love are all about. Some of my friends, I should say, very loyal and generous. Some I regard as best friends because they were there when I shed my tears or burst into laughs. But, quite a recent event has made me to wonder whether friendship is a more relevant issue to me or it lays on the fact that friendship is meant to keep us and them occupied; being a parasite I must say. Nonetheless, I am a person who forgets things easily (especially when it comes to hurtful events :)). I tried to make new friends every single day. I went out to meet them. Some turned up to be a totally lost as I was disconnected from their world. I am not sure why. First, we went out and had fun, and I thought, we would remain like that. Unfortunately, things changed. They started to be too emotional for whatever reason that I don't seem to understand. Funny, funny, funny. Sooner, I took a drastic change. I literally disconnected them from my world. Sounds rather evil right? I am no evil peeps. I just do what I seem is right, I guess. I'll talk no more about this because probably I will have them back on my list later :). I suppose that is me; to forgive is too fast. It was a rough week for me for the past few weeks. I was busy marking examination papers, keying in the marks, struggling with my own assignments, had fight with my first group of people, final exams, long overdue assignments, facing the fact that some people are too emotional, keep on receiving wrong signals from people, had fight with the second group of people and learn what friendship is all about. Wow, that was narrated chronologically and I am proud of it. God is a great planner. He knows what seems to be the best for His servants. I am so glad to have Him as my planner. I am not a rich person neither do I regard myself as a pious man but I am pretty sure that there will be days that He will repay the goodness done by the good people around me. Thanks for being there; Him and you guys :)

Scratches of me

What I dos and don'ts :)

I don't really remember people's names that fast
I do care about people's feelings
I don't remember people's birthdays
I do love my friends
I don't fancy emotional people
I do clean my room and house
I don't mind people's business
I do mind my own business
I don't make the first move
I do love love
I don't usually talk first when we first meet
I do fancy liberty
I don't wait
I do speak the truth
~.~